Incomplete
by Ruusei
Summary: Hatori reflects on his feelings toward Kana. Songfic to the Backstreet Boys' 'Incomplete'.


Author's Note: Well, this is my first fanfiction! And of all things, it's a songfic. Hopefully it's not too horrible… I never really planned on posting anything here, but when this song is stuck in your head for hours while on a plane, you start getting ideas for stories that you normally wouldn't. Anyway, any comments you have would really be appreciated!

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Fruits Basket. But I don't, and I don't think that wishing on any number of shooting stars is going to make that happen. So if you're looking to steal Fruits Basket, well, don't try and rob me. Don't own the song "Incomplete" either.

* * *

Closing the car door, Hatori slowly walked up the path to his home. It had been another one of those days. One of those days where he seemed unable to concentrate on anything or anyone. One of those days where it seemed like nothing really seemed to be able to break through his thoughts of her. Of Kana. As much as he tried to push the memories to the back of his mind, it just didn't seem possible. His feet were on autopilot and already taking him up to the door, when suddenly a brown streak caught the corner of his eye.

_Empty spaces fill me up with holes  
__Distant faces with no place left to go  
__Without you within me I can't find no rest  
__Where I'm going is anybody's guess _

Kana… could it be her? Shigure or Ayame had mentioned that she was visiting her parents, but he had pushed that knowledge aside. It was too painful to think about her, but it was like an addiction – he couldn't stop himself from thinking about her. Nothing he did was ever the same without her. In all the time since she had forgotten about their relationship, he hadn't been able to do anything or go anywhere without being reminded of her. And he could never seem to forget her voice. It simply echoed within his head. The plain and simple truth was that he missed her. He desperately missed her. As much as he told himself that it was best if he forgot all about her and moved on with his life, it just wasn't the same without her smiling face to greet him when he most needed it.

_I've tried to go on like I never knew you  
__I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
__I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
__But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete _

Against his will, Hatori turned to get another glimpse of the woman. It was her. Not just anyone would be able to identify her from the back and at that great a distance, but then again, when it came to Kana, Hatori wasn't "anyone". Everything about that woman was her. Not just the black bag slung casually over her shoulder, or the simple clothes that she preferred and somehow, managed to look stunning in. Not just the way she walked or how she paused to pick up a stray piece of litter blowing on the wind. No, what caused Hatori to identify her as Kana was the entire aura around her. Beautiful, peaceful, and so together.

Hatori wanted to go chasing after her, to call out to her so they might be able to even talk again. He wanted to reach out to her. But, even more so, he didn't want to hurt her any more. He knew that moving on with his life was the right thing to do.

_Voices tell me I should carry on  
__But I am swimming in an ocean all alone  
__Baby, my baby  
__It's written on your face  
__You still wonder if we made a big mistake _

He missed her. He missed her smiles, her jokes, her bubbly laugh, the joyfulness that she brought into any room. He missed how comfortable he felt around her, how she had somehow given him permission to relax and be himself when they were together. He missed the happiness that she had brought him. No one had been able to fill to void that she had left when he erased her memory, and sometimes he wished that he could erase his own memory as well. It _hurt_ to remember how happy he had been with her, for the memories only caused his winter to seem that much colder.

_I've tried to go on like I never knew you  
__I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
__I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
__But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete _

He knew that he should let go. He knew it couldn't be healthy. But he didn't want to. He just couldn't let go of one thing: his guilt. He couldn't help but feel that if he had just tried a little harder… if he had just hung on a little longer… if he had tried to help her just one more time. It was all in the past, he couldn't do anything about it. Letting her remain just a memory was what he should do. But… it didn't feel right. His conscience told him only one thing: he needed to be by her side.

All he wanted to do was to protect her. To be the person there for her whenever she needed it. He wanted to be the only person who could make her feel safe. But he hadn't been able to protect her from her guilt and he hadn't been able to keep himself from erasing her memories. No matter how many times people told him otherwise, he still believed that he had abandoned her.

_I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go  
__I don't wanna make you face this world alone  
__I wanna let you go (alone) _

Hatori turned, watching Kana walk towards her family's home. He tried to ignore the knot that had suddenly developed in his stomach. He knew he was sinking back into his winter, that this one glimpse of spring would only push him further into the snow. The seasons couldn't go on with spring. Without spring, winter couldn't just change into summer. No, Hatori was stuck in winter.

His heart wanted him to run after her, to catch up to her before she disappeared from his sight and slipped back to being just a memory. But he couldn't chase after her. He had to force himself to forget about her.

_I've tried to go on like I never knew you  
__I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
__I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
__But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete  
__Incomplete_

He turned back to his home, unlocked the door and stepped inside. Closing the door behind him, he let himself fall to the floor as his heart tried to piece itself back together. Again. But the knot in his stomach wouldn't unclench. His heart ached to unclench, to let himself cry, but he couldn't. Tears would remind him of the pain and there was no way for him to take away the pain other than forgetting. This was one of those times he sincerely wished to erase his memories of his relationship with Kana. Remembering was painful, but he couldn't let their relationship be erased just for him. It was something so special that it had to be treasured.

But nothing would be the same without her.

He could never be the same with her gone.

Life would always be incomplete.


End file.
